I would be interested to know how many gay travelers are lying about being gay. How far would you go to travel? In one of my recent posts I stated that nearly 80 countries in the world, on paper, are unwelcoming towards gay travelers. But what does that mean exactly? There are several documentaries and blogs where I see gay men traveling to what seems like hostile places for gays but nothing happened to them. So I investigated more about what it means to be a gay traveler and what actually could happen to gay travelers.

Being gay doesn’t mean people know, or care

I’ve actually been to some homophobic countries, and nothing has happened to me. I have never been questioned by officials or locked up. You know why? Because nobody suspected or caught me lying about being gay. And when traveling I usually don’t bring it up. I think knowing this opens up many countries to travel that have unfriendly gay laws against gay travelers.

The internet can be a tricky place because many websites just say “this country is bad for gay people because the country condemns it.” That isn’t really helpful because in many countries being gay is fine but gay acts are illegal. It’s unfortunate but I don’t pretend that everybody is going to like me vocalizing how gay I am so I don’t bother. I don’t travel to speak about gay rights in countries that have none. I think THAT would be risky. In those instances my passion for travel trumps me white lying about being gay.

When the questions come

I love people and it’s fun to talk to others when traveling. However, in certain situations I would never be truthful about my sexuality. Sometimes it’s only a feeling and sometimes I know it’s not a good idea to bring up. Most people around the world assume that I have a girlfriend back at home, even if I’m traveling with another guy. For many, being gay is so foreign to them that the idea never pops in their mind. The only time I would be honest about my sexuality is if I knew I’m in a country that it’s alright to bring up.

The fact is, I feel lying about being gay is necessary. Even know it’s rare I’ve read about fellow gay travelers that did get in trouble. I remember a story where two men were arrested for having gay sex on their cruise ship balcony in Nicaragua. What they did was stupid and plainly obvious and if they did it inside, they wouldn’t have been caught. However, sometimes if somebody thinks you’re gay and tells authorities, you could be in trouble without even committing a gay act (this is rare). THAT is scary and I do think about how I interact with people in dodgy situations.

When I traveled through China, I really didn’t think about having sex or fooling around with my boyfriend. I knew that China is neutral about gay couples so nothing probably would have happened but it’s better to be safe. In Morocco, a country that imprisons gays, I didn’t bother lying about being gay and still nothing happened. Sometimes the hysteria doesn’t live up to the truth and lying about being gay is not even necessary.

lying about being gay to travel world gay laws

Orange is where being gay is “illegal”

The real risk of being gay and traveling

Okay, I’m not going to sit here and type “there is no risk being gay while traveling” because there can be. However, I think there are risks to all people who travel. The good thing about lying about being gay is that nobody actually knows it unless you make it blindly obvious. So use common sense and caution when necessary. But beyond this, traveling shouldn’t be about your sexuality.

Sometimes when I’m shopping people try to sale me jewelry for a “girlfriend” back home and I just nod my head and say “not today.” And that’s it. I don’t bring up any part of my sexuality and the situation passes. Keeps me safe and focused on my travels.

If you click on this link you can actually see the countries where being gay, having a gay relationship and gay expression is illegal. Many of those countries don’t even act on their laws so gay travelers are pretty much safe. The moral of the story is that the world is really not limited because what people don’t know, lets you keep traveling. Don’t say anything to anybody and don’t be gay in public. If you can’t handle that than don’t go. Traveling and experiencing the world is more important to me than lying about being gay.

Lying about being gay to travel

Call me crazy but I would still go to Russia after what has happened. It won’t be anytime soon and if I do you can bet I’m lying about being gay. I would do it because one of my goals is to travel the entire world even to crazy countries like North Korea. I’m not sure how doable this actually is but I know that keeping quiet about sexuality limits the risk. One thing that does scare me though, is having a website that does advertise I’m gay. But I still choose to stay publicly gay in my home country and only partly open depending on where I’m going.

You have to choose what you’re comfortable lying about. For me I understand that most of the world is not as enlightened on the gay issues and I accept that I can’t change peoples irrational thinking. I’m not an activist and I know I can’t change a culture single handily. I’m simply a gay guy who loves traveling the world and lying about being gay is acceptable to me. I let people have their own bias opinions, I don’t hate them and I try to understand but sometimes I don’t. That’s ok.

My goal while traveling is take in all sorts of experiences, good and bad, and experience it, reflect on it and move on from there. That doesn’t mean I agree with them or feel they are right, I just accept it as an open-minded traveler.