I recently watched a documentary where a British gay man traveled to one of the most homophobic countries in the world, Uganda. Why did he go? He wanted to see if gay life there really was that bad and see if he could get anybody to change their minds towards gays. What he found was a nation that was deeply homophobic, very few places for gay people to hangout and be themselves, and he was hunted down for being gay by the Ugandan president. To be gay and travel, sometimes it’s not for the scared.
The ironic part is, that before he admitted he was gay, everybody was friendly towards him. One Ugandan preacher challenged him to find a gay guy who would tell him to his face that he was born gay instead of choosing; an offer he didn’t refuse if you watch the documentary. By the end he was lucky that nobody knew where his hotel was and couldn’t see himself ever coming back to Uganda because of how strong the homophobia was. I won’t be going to Uganda any time soon, I can tell you that (link to the documentary).
This is how I feel when I travel. That “people might know I’m gay, will judge me for it and then I’ll get in trouble” type of feeling. I want to stress that sometimes that feeling doesn’t exist, sometimes it’s a light feeling and sometimes it’s full blown. Being gay is just one side of me and this is not a coming out story, I already did that years ago. This post is to bring light some of the complexities that being gay when traveling brings. This is also not a post about the people who are gay in countries where it’s illegal, although the more I travel the more I’m interested in those stories as well.
In Nepal, I traveled with my then boyfriend and did feel somewhat awkward about the situation. I wasn’t aware if there were any prejudices against us but I knew that Nepal had no gay bars and had no open gay scene. So being there with my boyfriend, the weird part was to lie about who he was to me and always thinking about should we get two rooms or at the least separate beds? (I did learn later that Nepal has reformed it’s law and is more accepting of gays).
Many people would ask, then why did you travel there? I traveled to Nepal despite my sexuality. I still wanted to see the Himalayas, experience the culture, hike and try the food so I figured why should my homosexuality stop me? The truth is that when I travel my sexuality rarely even comes up and nobody cares. If it does I usually just skirt around the truth. Because it’s better to lie if I feel I may under threat.
Being so open about my sexuality in the States it felt strange to suppress it. I felt I couldn’t be my complete self and felt I had to put on a show. Many locals simply assumed that my boyfriend and I were friends. Or maybe they felt asking if we were gay would disrespect us. The thing is that even if most of the culture is accepting there may be one rogue person who doesn’t approve of it. Gay people do think about this fact the more they travel! “Perhaps someone is out to hurt me?” It’s never happened to me but even in cities like New York or Paris gay bashings happen. On western cruises you don’t see many gay travelers so many other travelers do stare. Of course I’m never under threat but getting stared at is part of being gay and traveling.
But how do I know when it gets to a threatening level? The answer is, I never really know and that is what life is like for travelers who are gay. If I’m by myself then more than likely, nobody is going to question if I’m homosexual or not. But when I bring another guy on a trip, whether a friend or a partner, we may get glances even in European western cities. Interestingly, if I go to places where homosexuality is not often seen, many will just assume that we are just friends. Showing male affection varies across cultures and the customs are different everywhere. Like in Nepal and many Middle Eastern countries men hold hands or pinkies but it’s not in a sexual way.
I’ve read that they’re 76 countries in the world where homosexuality is illegal. Illegal could range from fines, imprisonment to the worst, death, which happens in around 10 countries. But 76! The news that we heard in Russia is not unique and in some places it gets much worse. What’s crazy to me, as a traveler, is that I do have to think twice when stepping into any of those 76 countries and traveling for someone like me only gets that much more complicated.
Most of the countries listed are located in Africa and in the Middle East. The only glimmer of hope for gays who want to travel and still want to see any of these countries, is that most of the time they would only be arrested if caught in a homosexual act. That’s what is suppose to happen anyways. However these countries don’t have anti discrimination laws to protect gays so you’re beaten up, arrested or threaten to be killed, you’re on your own. And I’m sure many of these countries still would arrest you if you admitted that you were gay without even a homosexual act. So it really is travelers beware and that’s what puts me on edge.
But should it? I looked at all the places I’ve traveled and compared it to a map where homosexuality or homosexuality acts are illegal or punishable. In turns out that I’ve actually been to many countries where homosexuality is illegal or there are no laws anti-discrimination laws protecting gays. For instance Antigua & Barbuda, Bahamas, Belize, Panama, Morocco, Grenada, Jamaica, China, Vatican City, etc to name a few. Going further than that, I looked up world gay rights and many countries do not consider gays to be equal and would harm a gay person if they knew one. There are only a few countries in the world, mostly in Europe and North America, that offer gays protection and even fewer countries that give full rights.
(At least some places I can be more open)
Sounds daunting doesn’t it? It’s the way you look at it. Traveling rarely scares me and I don’t think being gay is a liability. I only give out my sexuality on a need to know basis and I don’t expect anybody to change their views. On paper some countries may look unsafe but once there you may find that they never enforce it. Not engaging in homosexual behavior is good enough for many of these countries to avoid trouble, so if they never suspect anything they won’t bother you.
Even though I’ve been to homophobic countries I actually have never been harassed, beaten or assaulted, which I’m thankful for. And I continue to be careful. I’m conscious about when is the right time to talk about sexuality and I know that for many countries it just simply isn’t a good idea. So in a way I do refrain from being completely myself but that is the price I pay to travel and I accept that.
Also I do sympathize for the gays in that live in these countries who are harassed and told they are disgusting which gets me thinking, should I even go to these countries? I still think yes, because I never know who I may meet and perhaps inspire or change views.
Why write about this? For the simple purpose to inspire and for people to get some insight. For any gay traveler who is scared, I get it but it can’t stop you. I still occasionally need to look over my shoulder but I have realized that the world is filled with mostly understanding people. Even last year I was a tad frighten to stay with a gay friend of mine in the Bahamas since the Caribbean is mostly homophobic. I’ve been to the Bahamas several times but reading what some have been through is discouraging. My friend, who had never been, was nervous but I was able to reassure him that nothing would happen. Nothing did happen and being gay wasn’t never mentioned although I didn’t tell anybody and we saw only one gay couple there the entirety of our trip.
In Morocco you can be imprisoned for being gay and I have traveled there and told Moroccans I was gay. I didn’t plan on saying anything but it came up when I was invited to speak at an English School about dating. They asked about who I’ve dated and the customs that I was use to back in the States. I didn’t feel like lying so I told the truth and people had a whole range of emotions.
I was a little shocked that I said it but it felt great to just admit it. Perhaps, even if they hated my sexuality they will respect that I had the courage to say, “I’m gay.” The great thing was that they were respectful and some had even guessed that I was gay. Which for me got me thinking that maybe all this time traveling people really did know and they just didn’t care or want to mess with me. Perhaps by reading things online I think I’m in more danger than I’m actually in. Also maybe I’m not so great at hiding my sexuality as I thought? Examining who I am seems to come up a lot when I travel.
The funny thing is the world is never black and white. Just because you read that “Moroccans are homophobic,” doesn’t mean that’s true for the entire region, country or city. Yes there are certain amount of precautions one should take but your own experience is a better judge. While in Morocco I was treated with respect even know they probably still feel homosexuality is wrong. It comes down to religion and because I wasn’t part of their religion I’m not considered as part of their world therefore I’m not held to the same standard (this isn’t true everywhere but certainly happens a lot). Beyond that I saw my travel companions, who were women, get treated as lesser than me just for being women. So traveling to some places brings all new complexities, gay or straight.
Luckily I live in a country where I can write about all of this and being a gay traveler has definitely made me humble about the country I come from. The US may have its problems but I certainly am grateful that I do have rights. It will take courage to travel to some of these harsher places but I really do mean it that I still would like to go even if I have to be secret about my homosexuality.
I can only speak from one gay voice on what it’s like traveling. I know there are millions of other travelers who are gay so why do I need to write this? Because we still don’t see many gay travelers and their experiences in the world. Not very many people are ready to admit who they truly are and I rarely see blogs written from a gay perspective. So I can be one of those gay perspectives and hopefully some gay person is more inspired to be who they are, whether they travel or not. In fact in may help someone right here in the States overcome someone calling them a fag, something that has happened to me in my home state of Texas while walking down a street in Austin.
To my fellow gay travelers, the world is mostly great for traveling but sometimes you will meet awkward situations like, should I get a different room or a different bed if you’re traveling with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Sometimes you will feel that you’re being watched and sometimes you may feel unsafe. Sometimes it’s downright unsafe like in Uganda. Sometimes cultures will not understand or accept you. Sometimes you will be looked at with disgust and will not be welcome. Sometimes you will feel the need to look over your shoulder constantly and won’t be able to express who you truly are.
But by traveling the world you also learn that for most of the time the world isn’t actually scary and most people truly don’t care about your sexual orientation. Best advice would be, just be responsible about what you say to people and where you go. Remember there are better times and places than others to be vocal about your sexuality!
However! If you have an opportunity to speak your mind and voice your opinions, without threat of danger of course, I would urge you do so. Honesty always feels great and is important. Be respectful about someone’s beliefs but in the right context challenge them as well. Stand up for who you are when you can. Most of the time you won’t change other people’s views but you may get them thinking. There is no need to force people to change, just set in motion an open dialogue. Perhaps they may see more gay people after you and realize that we are normal. The more we are represented and the more we speak up, the more likely the world will change for the better. I do swear, I will do my part when it’s possible.
images by: shawnvoyage
